The Adventure of a Lifetime
by Spirited Heart
Summary: Gazzy steals a boat, and the Flock winds up in Antarctica where they are captured by... Unicorns? Features Fang in a dress, random fights between Max and a giant chicken, a food fight,parodies, magical lamp posts, and tons of complete insanity. AU. READ!
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Gazzy steals a boat, and the Flock winds up in Antarctica; where they are captured by Magical Unicorns. Features Fang in a dress, miscellaneous fights between Max and a giant chicken, a food fight, Youtube parodies, magical lamp posts, and tons of completely insanity.**

**A/N: so how does that sound to you? Pretty crazy, eh? Well, I'm kinda hyper right now and this little idea came out of my head. Enjoy and please R&R! **

The Gasman sighed; the monotony of the day already getting to him.

"I'm bored."  
"Gassy, you're always bored."  
"Well you're bor-ING, Nudge."  
"Fashion magazines are NOT boring!"  
"Are too!"  
"Are not!"  
"Are too!"  
"Are not!"  
"Are not!"  
"Are too!"

silence..

Gassy smiled evilly, waiting for the others to realize his trick. Nudge rolled her eyes, and went back to her magazine.

"You're so immature…" Out of frustration, Max groaned.

"Let's take a walk, guys. I'm tired of you two fighting all the time."

"Anything to get these guys to SHUT THE HECK UP!" interceded Fang, who was sitting in the corner of the living room practically tearing his hair out.

"Well, off we go then." And one by one, each members of the flock trailed out of the living room…about to begin an adventure!

* * *

The six Flock members flew down to the harbor near their home, making sure that no one could see them, while looking for something interesting... and not finding much.

Gassy sighed. "We need to go traveling again, I need someplace new to explore..." Suddenly, her eyes lit up, sparkling an almost neon blue. "Hey guys! Look! BOATS!!"

"Um, yeah Gassy… we're at the harbor, there's usually boats here…"

"Let's take one! I mean…err…._borrow_ one!"

The other five looked at each other dubiously, remembering what happened the last time Gassy _borrowed_ something...and the time before that...and the time before that...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the time before that...  
Finally Iggy sighed resignedly. "He's going do it no matter what we say. We may as well go along with him and attempt to keep him out of trouble."

Fang groaned. "But I don't want to go on a boat with that crazy kid…He just had a burrito!"

But Gassy had already flew onto an unoccupied boat, a smallish one with a cabin just large enough for the six of them…

...and Gassy managed to start it up.

His six Flock mates scrambled on the ship before Gassy took off without them…which undoubtedly he would do.

Gassy took up a position in front of the controls inside the cabin.

"Erm... Gassy, do you know how to _drive_ a boat like this?" Angel asked warily.

"Sure!" Gassy replied excitedly. "Easy as driving a car on Wii!"

Almost simultaneously, the rest of the Flock groaned; it was well known that Gassy couldn't drive for his life.

"Gassy, if you drive a boat at ALL like you drive a car on Wii…" Fang began worriedly.

"..we're all gonna die." Iggy finished solemnly.

* * *

But after a few minutes, amazingly, they'd managed to get out of the harbor in one piece, and had left most of the other boats in almost as good of condition – Max, Iggy, Angel, Nudge and Fang were quite surprised.

"So, where're we headed, Captain Gassy?" Max asked sometime later.

"Uh… I don't know. D'you a map anywhere on this boat?"

"Ah… no."

"Oh well," Gassy replied optimistically. "We'll just go wherever the boat wants to go then!" and then, with his painfully off key voice, Gassy started to sing. "WE'RE GOING….ONNN ANNNN ADVENNNTUUUUREEEEE!! WEEEE'REEE GOIN' TO EXXXPLOREEEEEE…"

"AAAUUUGGHH!! GASSY, SHUT UP!!" yelled Fang impatiently, "…your singing is gonna make my ears freakin' bleed!"  
Gassy looked surly, glaring at Fang. "Hey, at least I can SOMETIMES carry a tune…"

"HEY! I can TOO!"

"Can NOT!"

"Can TOO!"

"Can NOT!"

"Can TOO!"

"Can TOO!"

"Right, exactly, thank you." Fang smiled smugly as Gassy looked bummed that his favorite joke had been figured out.

"Well...well..." Gassy sputtered, trying to come up with a good comeback. Which, unfortunately, he could not.

For once, Fang smiled, exhaling contentedly as he leaned back against the cabin wall, resting his tan-ish arms behind his head and closing his eyes.

"Exactly. Thank you."

* * *

When night fell, the six Flock members, although into sleep, not darkness. Curled up side-by-side in the boat's cabin, they drifted off into sleep, as the boat also began drifting, into its own favored path...

**DUN**

**DUN**

** DUN…**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, here I am again. No one reviewed, so I just wrote more. TAKE THAT! Ahem. Anyway, here's chappie two of the adventure of a lifetime. And don't worry, there are pleanty of youtube parodies…btw, to understand this story more, please watch these videos on youtube:**

**Muffins**

**Charlie the Unicorn**

**Planet Unicorn**

**Disclaimer: some character personality changes, and some Fang bashing…even though I think you'll find it rather entertaining. **

"Chickens... no... _no_... stop it.. STOP!...no more chickens!...they're evil, EVIL I tell you!..."

"uh…Gassy?"

"Wha? Huh?" Gassy said confusedly, as he struggled to open his eyes after a long night of sleeping. "Oh. Hi Max. Did you eat the chickens?"

"Uh.. sure, Gassy. Better get up, I think we're about to find land…or something..."

"Oh really?" Gassy sprang up from his sleeping-spot on the cabin floor to join his bird-kid friends on the deck of the ship.

"Wow. How long were we asleep, guys?" asked Gassy, his blue eyes wide.

"I don't know," Iggy replied. "But that looks an awful lot like the coast of Antarctica to me…" (**a/n: Don't ask me how they got all the way from one end of the planet to the other…umm…they overslept?)****  
**  
"PENGUINS!" Fang suddenly exclaimed.

"Huh??"

"Penguins live in Antarctica!!" Fang cried, looking almost ridiculously pleased at the prospect.

"Ehm, yes," Max replied. "And...?"

"Em...penguins…are…em…really cool." Fang answered, somewhat sheepishly, ducking his head and rubbing his neck.

"Well, yeah," Iggy stated.

"What's so cool about penguins?!" Angel demanded.

"Beats me." Nudge replied. "My favorite animal is a horse."

"Mine's a frog." Iggy chimed in.

"Cat." Max stated.

"Dog."

"Elephant."

"UNICORN!" screamed Fang at the top of his lungs. The rest of the Flock turned around and gave him some strange looks…

Within a few minutes, the boat scraped against the icy shore, and the six kids hopped onto land, and Gassy burst out into song: "ANT-ARC-TI-CAAAAAAAA, IS WH-ERE I WA-NNA BEEEEEE; ANT-ARC-TI-CAAAA, IS WH-ERE I WA-NNA BEEEEEEE; ANT-ARC-TICAAAAA--"

"ENOUGH, Gassy, we get the idea!!" Nudge yelled.

"What was that, anyway?" Iggy asked.  
Gassy shook his head, grinning. "I have absolutely no idea."

Before Gassy could once again do something completely and undeniably stupid, they were surrounded by a large group of pastel-colored Unicorns…

Armed unicorns. (**As in, y'know, carrying weapons.)**

A slightly taller unicorn stepped forward from the rest, addressing the six bewildered mutant kids. "Please come along quickly and quietly. We've been instructed not to hurt any avian/human bird-kid hybrids that land here, but will, if necessary."

Needless to say, the Flock complied.

The Unicorns actually moved along faster than one would expect, and Gassy, Angel, Nudge, Max, Fang, and Iggy actually did have to move quickly to keep up. Gassy attempted to talk to a few of them, but he was harshly shushed, and so spent the rest of their forced march in sullen silence. Max looked around, taking interest of their surroundings, wondering when unicorns had learnt to speak English…Nudge and Fang exchanged covert glances between themselves and a few of the unicorn-guards near them.

After about ten minutes, the lead Unicorn, whose name was Charlie, halted the group. "From here on, we'll have to blindfold you, and take a more roundabout route, so that you will not be sure of how to find our base afterwards."

"Uhh," Gassy began warily. "But how do we see to walk?"

"The path will be smooth, and we'll guide you," the Unicorn replied. A Unicorn stepped up beside each member of the Flock, taking a hand in hoof **(A/N: don't ask me how that works**), as four more unicorns motioned for them to stoop down, and tied dark scarves about their heads.

"I can't see a thing!" Fang exclaimed

"Is this really necessary?" Max asked.

"Yes," the lead Unicorn answered. "For security reasons."

"Well, let's get on with it, then," Edge said resignedly.

An indeterminate amount of time passed, which Gassy spent primarily tripping over nothing but his own feet, Iggy by contemplating what material the scarves were made of to make them so oblique, and Max and Fang by wondering just why they were being subjected to such suspicion. Finally, they stopped, heard some low conversation pass between Charlie the Unicorn and some others, and seemed to pass inside a building. The Flock felt the Unicorns let go of their arms.  
"Alright. You may remove the blindfolds now."

The six kids did so.

And each of their six bird/kid jaws dropped as they surveyed their surroundings.  
Though the walls and floor appeared to be made of hard-packed snow, the large room they had entered looked more like something out of a hi-tech spy flick than the interior of an igloo. (Well, aside from the fact that it was filled with Unicorns, instead of people.) Complicated-looking computers filled the area, numbers of light blinking self-importantly, electronic blips and beeps and read-out noises filling the air with symphony of synthetic sound.

"Wow..." Gassy said when he'd recovered a little.

The Charlie the Unicorn then brought the Flock's attention to him.

"We will now show you the most sacred site known to our Unicorn world." The kids were ushered out of the high-tech room, and suddenly found themselves in the middle of a splendid valley with sunshine and rainbows, along with pink waterfalls and Unicorns everywhere.

"What is this place?" asked Angel in awe, her blue eyes glistening.

"This is Planet Unicorn, but more specifically Unicorn Falls."

"Erm…Planet….Unicorn?" Fang asked skeptically.

"Yes," replied Charlie the Unicorn, "In the year 2117, an 8-year-old gay boy named Shannon found a magic lamp and was granted three wishes. The first was a fur coat, the second was a flying car, and the third was an entire sub-world on earth called Planet Unicorn." The rest of the flock gasped. Why would an 8-year-old boy be named Shannon!?

"But this is not the end of our travel," Continued Charlie the Unicorn. "We must go to the most sacred thing on Planet Unicorn…the MAGICAL LAMP POST!" and then, as if bathed in a golden light, clouds opened to the sound of an angelic choir and reveled a lamp post surrounded by little flying fairies and that sparkly stuff, but no one ever knows what it is.

"BEHOLD! THE MAGICAL LAMP POST!" Charlie yelled, and almost at the same time Fang squealed like a little girl…which was actually quite frightening. He skipped up to the lamp post, and immediately started to kick it while singing (but more like screaming) the word "Muffin".

At the immediate start of Fang's antics, the low chattering of unicorns stopped, leaving an awkward silence.  
"Silence! Now!" Fang's happy singing was cut off by an important-looking Unicorn with a blue mane and a necklace with the letter "C" engraved on it.  
"You will remove your jacket, and permit your person to be searched."  
"Ehm, okay," Fang said.  
"SILENCE!"  
"Right."  
He took off his jacket, realizing that it was rather warm near the Unicorn Falls.

..but as Fang began removing his worn-down coat, the Unicorns caught site of the shirt he was wearing…  
"TRAITOR! GUARDS!!"

"Wha...WHAT?!" Fang cried as he was immediately surrounded by the fierce-looking unicorns who had brought them to the unicorn world. "What'd I do?!"

The unicorn with the blue mane simply pointed to Fang's shirt.

"Yeah. It's my Muffins shirt. Y'know…from that video on youtube with the muffins?" Fang got blank stares from the unicorns surrounding him. "Oh well. I like this shirt. Do you want it or something?"

"NO! Traitor! You shall be punished at once! Despite your previous service to the Unicorn Corps, any alliance with our mortal enemies shall not be forgiven!"

"Huh?? I didn't--"

"Fang."

"What Iggy?"

"Think about it for a minute. What does your shirt say?"

"Muffins."

"Right. And who are the sworn enemies of the Unicorns?"

"Muffins. Your point?"

Max sighed, glancing at Iggy and then turning to the head Unicorn. "You'll have to forgive him," she said tiredly to the Unicorn. "He's a little slow."

Fang looked defensive. "HEY, what're you saying, Max?!"

Max glared at Fang, folding her arms across her chest chest. "F-aaannngggg.." she began warningly.

"Yes?" Fang asked meekly.

"Whose Flock are you in?"

"Yours."

"Right. Good boy." Max sighed again, looking back at the Unicorn. "It's such tough work running this flock some days…"

"HEY!" Fang yelled.

"SILENCE! ... yes, I see what you mean…"

"Ohhhhh! I get it!" Fang exclaimed.

"Took you long enough," Iggy muttered.

"Okay. See, it's not a Muffin shirt…it's from that video on youtube. Y'know…by the same guy who did the shoes video?" Once again, Fang got blank stares.

"..Shoes. shoes. Oh my god, Shoes…" Gassy sang.

"Yes, exactly, thank you," Fang said.

"..THESE SHOES ARE THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS…"

"Okay Gassy, that's enough," Nudge said.

"THESE SHOEEESSS AREEE THREEE HUNDREDDDD DOLLLARSSSSS!"

"GAZZY!!"

Gazzy smiles sweetly "Yeees?"

"SHUDDUP."

"...He gives me such a headache," Angel commented.

The Unicorns still looked skeptical about the whole idea **(the Muffin shirt, remember?).**

"Look, I vouch for them," Max said firmly. "And you all know I've got my feet on the ground, so.."

"It was the groooooouuund beneath her feeeeeet…"

"GAZZY!!"

"Sorry.."

The Unicorn sighed. "Well, you will all remain under observation while you stay here, but.."

"I'm not gonna die?" Fang meekly asked, hopeful.

"Well, no, not under present circumstances.."

"YAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!"

silent pause, wherein everyone around looks at Fang

sheepish grin "Sorry…again…"

groan

"In any case," the Unicorn continued, addressing Max. "We're in critical alert just now, thus your treatment on the way in. The Muffins...well, I don't want to say too much, not without consulting my superiors..."

Max nodded. "Of course."

"They've built up a remarkable amount of new force against us, and it has us a bit worried, so security's been stepped up. So I do apologize. My name is Cadillac **see the movie "Planet Unicorn" on youtube**, by the way. While I go contact Feathers, why don't I have someone give you all a tour of the base? ...uh, seeing as how certain members of your party have already taken the liberty of touring anyway.."

Max whipped around, to see Angel looking and poking inquisitively at computers, Fang searching the room, Iggy humming quietly to himself but with a suspicious look on his face, and Gazzy engaged in who-knows-what kind of obscure conversation with a Unicorn, while innocently/deviously hitting random buttons.

"HEY!"

five guilty bird kids stand at attention

"Behave!"

...mumble mumble sorry Max mumble we'll be good mumble mumble on perfect behaviour mumble mumble mumble...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: here's to chappie three…and****la mia stella because she actually REVIEWS! UNLIKE THE 200 OTHER PEOPLE WHO DON'T! hem hem. Sorry about that. **

A small detachment of the unicorn guards who had brought them in led the six bird kids on a tour of the building. They went through several rooms of surveillance equipment and computers, then into a more domestic area, where the living quarters were. In this area, there were more female unicorns, and even some baby ones.

"Aww, they're so CUTE!" Nudge exclaimed, pointing to the baby penguins. "Can I bring one home, Max, can I, can I??"

"No, Nudge…" Larry said firmly. "The last time you brought something home for a pet, I ended up taking care of it and tryin' to mother the thing!"

"Ehm, actually, as I recall…" Iggy put in. "…It was Angel who ended up 'mothering' it.."

While the six sat and ate in the mess hall, Cadillac came in and joined them.

The unicorn seemed troubled. He sighed. "The current situation is worse than I had feared.."

Max looked concerned. "How so? …that is, if Feathers granted you permission to fill us in..?"

Cadillac nodded. "He did. In fact, due to the status of our present crisis… he even asked that I request your help."

The other 5/6 of the Flock looked up from the food they'd been rapidly shoveling into their mouths, and the six stared at the penguin.

"Us?? Help you??"

"Normally, we are entirely self-sufficient, and are easily able to keep the Muffins under control…as they are somewhat lower down the ladder, mentally.."

"HEY," Fang said defensively. "Don't insult things just 'cus they're slow."

"In any case," Caddilac continued, ignoring the interruption, "the latest development seems to be something that you four in particular may be able to help us with..."

"Enough with the suspense, man!!" Gazzy cried, in obvious agony **(Gazzy doesn't strike me as the patient-type)**."What's up already?!"

"Well, I might as well tell you. Several years ago, the muffins arose from relative obscurity, primarily to antagonize a teenaged girl, who had recently moved to a new school and unknowingly acquainted herself with a muffin ally. Fortunately, an old friend of hers was in contact with us, and we sent in a few agents to rectify the situation. Since then, however, the muffins have been growing increasingly ambitious, eventually falling prey to the usual desire to rule the world….And now, we're facing what could very well be our greatest crisis yet."

"The muffins seem to have found competent leadership."

(group gasp)

Adalbert sighed. "Yes. Ms. Cunningham, the leader of the muffins, has formed an alliance...with someone you are quite familiar with..."

(Another group gasp)

"Not Jeb!"

"Not mom!"

"Not my magazine!"

"Not ELVIS!!"

"Ehm, Fang?"

"Yeah Max?"

"I hate to be the one to break it to you, but… Elvis is dead."

"No he's not!"

"Riiiiiight..." everyone else starts to snicker.

"HEY." glare-of-certain-death

they stop

Cadillac waited their argument out, with an air of boredom. "So, do you want to know who Ms. Cunningham's ally is or not?" he asked calmly, when they seemed to be done.

"YES!"

dramatic pause

"It's Total."

GASP!

"I told you not to bring Total with us!!" Max screamed at Gazzy, when the initial shock had worn off. "If I told you once, I told you a MILLION TIMES! I said it was okay to bring that gawd awful coat you were wearing, but I specifically said that you could NOT BRING TOTAL!"  
Gazzy's gaze became shifty, his eyes darting everywhere but to Max…and they landed on Fang.

"Hey, but it was Fang who let him escape!"

"I didn't let him escape! ...he tricked me."

"Wow, Fang. Wow…"

shrug

grrroooooooaaaaaaannnn...

"..In any event," Cadillac continued, hoping to cut off their arguments before they started up again. "You can see now why we request your help. So…will you help us?"

"'COURSE we'll help ya!" Fang exclaimed, gushing with hardly typical enthusiasm, throwing an arm around Cadillac's shoulders. "We're the flock in the world, an' I'm Nudge, I can do anything!"

"..Except keep yer bleedin' ego under control," Iggy muttered. Angel giggled.

Cadillac looked over to the other five, uncertain. "Are you sure that you want to take this on..?"

Max nodded, Iggy shrugged amiably...

..And all eyes turned to Gazzy.

another dramatic pause

Gazzy sighed. "We probably helped cause the problem, we may as well help fix it.."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!"

Max, sighed, again, as the other five held hands, grabbed Cadillac, and danced in a circle around her.

Cadillac had left, telling the Flock to finish their meal, then join him in the main room for further instructions.

"Y'know," Gazzy mused as he pushed food around on his plate, debating whether or not it was really worth finishing. "Actually, when he said it was someone we knew, I was gonna say it was Fang, but then I remembered that he'd said the Muffins found capable leadership..." evil grin

Fang calmly fills spoon with fishy-smelling pasty-stuff from plate

slowly pulls back the spoon

and gets Gazzy, square on the nose

"He-hey, nice shot, Fang!"

"it's not like I could've really missed a target that big..."

massive food fight ensues

eventual winner is indeterminate

* * *

Some time later (after having found a bathroom in which to wash off the remains of their lunch), the Flock joined back up with Cadillac.

"Alright. Do the six of you think you could handle a spying operation?"

They nod.

"All of our regular trained spies are already out on important missions, and we can't afford to call any of them back for re-assignment. Thus, we're counting on you to obtain whatever information you can on Ms. Cunningham and Total."

"Not a problem," Fang replied. "Hey..," he added, excitement glittering in his eyes. "Do we get cool spy equipment?!"

"Well, yes, we will provide you with the necessary communication equipment, as well as a few other items you may need..."

"YAAAYYYY!!" screamed Fang at the top of his lungs, and proceded to dance in a weird little circle around Cadillac.

The rest of the Flock just give him weird looks. Cadillac pretended not to notice - he possessed a very unflappable, down-to-business manner.

"You will also need disguises, as it is very probable that you would be recognized otherwise."

"Y'mean COSTUMES?!" Fang cried, sheer rapture quickly spreading across his usually faintly-amused-but-calm features.

"Err, well, yes.." Cadillac looked a little confused.

expression of complete ecstasy on Fang's face

"Fang likes costumes," Max said, by way of explanation.

"So it would seem.." The unicorn slowly shook his head, in a manner which suggested that he was altogether unsure about putting the six of them in such an important position..

"Right. So now that you're in your disguises.."

Fang beams

"..you must learn to act like muffins."

"muffin...muffin muffin muffin? muFFIN!"

"Ermmm..Gazzy?"

"Muffin..muffinymufmufMUF!"

"Gazzy, what are you doing?"

"Well, how else do you act like a muffin?"

"muffin muffin muffin..." The diminutive bird kid was bouncing up and down, attempting to hop about the room….

Until he fell flat on his face.

"mufbloodyfin..."

* * *

Fortunately, due to Gazzy's little mishap, the Muffin costumes had been abandoned. Fang was sad, until he learned that they got to put makeup on.  
"YES! Even better than the real thing, baby!"

groan

"Fang...not the cross-dressing again...pleeeaaaasee?"

"Please...please...pleeeeaaaase...get up off yer knees now, pleeeeaasee, PLEEEEAAAAAAASSSSEEEE--"

"GAZZY! Please shut yer mouth!"

The six kids had been made-up to the point where they were pretty much unrecognizable. The unicorns had put them into muffin-maintaince-crew outfits, which were essentially dark blue coveralls. Their faces had been disguised by make-up (though they'd had to remove some of what Fang had put on, he'd gone a wee bit overboard).


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: here's chappie…4? Damn. Why don't you people read beyond the first chapter!? WHY!? Anyway, don't ask me why Gazzy is singing U2 songs. Hmmm..**

**Ahem. **

**And sorry, people, there's more Fang bashing.**

A few hours later, the Flock was left at a semi-nearby muffin hideout. **(They were told that it would probably be better for them if they didn't actually know where they were…) Actually, I just couldn't think of a location, sooo…** Cadillac had given them a back-up story to use if they were asked any questions, as well as a general idea as to the layout of the base, telling them where they were likely to find important information, etc.

"My head's cold!" Angel whined as they began meandering through the dark corridors.

"Hey... d'you think there are any female muffins around?" Iggy asked, a twinkle coming into his eye.

* * *

They wandered around pretty much aimlessly for some time.

"..but I stiiiiill haven't fouuund what I'm lookin' fooooor..." Gazzy sang under his breath.

"Shut UP, Gazzy! You'll give us away!"

"..and you GIIIIIIIVE yourSEELLF AWAAAAYYYY..."

**everyone glares at Gazzy**

"Hey, why don't we try this door?" Max asked suddenly, running over to stand in front of a large metal bulkhead.

"Okay. Seems good to me." replied Nudge.

"Yeah, but Max, how are we going to get it open?" Gazzy asked doubtfully.

"I don't know," Max answered, stepping up closer to the door. "Maybe if we--"

Upon her approach, the door slid silently open.

"--if we just walked right up to it!" Gazzy cried gleefully.

"Well, I guess since Muffins haven't got arms…" Iggy reasoned.

Fang stood in silent wonder, his eyes large, jaw dropped.

"What is it, Fang?" Max asked.

"How... how did they open like that?"

"It's... it's like at the supermart, Fang, remember? You walk up, and there's a sensor or something there, and the doors open."

"Actually, it's a little more complicated than that," Iggy began.

"..but this is Fang we're explaining it to, Iggy," Max cut in.

"Oh yeah. Em… it's magic, Fang."

"Wow..."

"Will you guys hurry up and get in here? There's some incredible stuff in here!" Angel called from inside.

"Yeah, coming!"

Max and Iggy quickly walked through the doorway.

Fang followed, a bit more slowly, still in awe of the "magic" doors...

* * *

The six walked into a large room, which looked to be both a research area and storage bay. The walls, floor, and ceiling were made of a metallic material that appeared to be some relative of steel. Around the room were tables covered in chemicals and test tubes, boxes, and lots of seemingly random stuff.

Fang began to sway across the room, but then stopped and frowned. It just doesn't work right without the skirt, he thought sadly. He shrugged, and continued, then stopped in front of a multitude of rectangular-shaped foil-wrapped objects.

"Hrm."

He pulled at a loose flap of one of the packages. It tore open easily. Peeking inside, he gasped, eyes lighting up. He reached a hand inside, broke off a piece, and popped it into his mouth.

Meanwhile, a high-pitched squeal had sounded.

"GAZZY! Shut UP already!" Max yelled over the sound, putting her hands to her ears.

"IT'S NOT ME! I swear!"

Max glared at the Gasman skeptically, and realized that his mouth was shut, yet the sound continued. "Oh. I guess it's not… Is it an alarm, then, do you think?"

"Where's Fang?" Iggy asked, walking up to the other two.

"I'm right here," the inquired-after answered, still munching.

"Fang, what'd you do??"

Fang's face took on an expression of bewildered innocence. "Nothing. I just found a muffin, and I was hungry, so--"

"FA-NG!!"

"And guess what? They're lemon-flavored!!" An upside-down grin broke across his face, oblivious to the danger he'd just put them all in...

...until he saw the legion of muffin security rush into the room and surround them.

"Oh dear. Did I do something wrong?"

…Groan…

"Never mind, Adam..."

"STOP RIGHT THERE!!" the lead muffin screamed authoritatively.

"Well we can't bloody well go anywhere with all of you all around us anyway, can we?" Gazzy muttered.

"SILENCE!!"

"NO!!" screamed Gazzy back.

The muffin commander was taken aback, not used to such belligerence. "You WILL obey! SILENCE, NOW!"

"NO!! Everyone's been tellin' me to shut up ALL DAY, an' I'm not gonna TAKE IT anymore!! I'm THE GASMAN an' I'll TALK if I darn well WANT TO!!"

"Hsst! Quiet! You'll give us away!" Max whispered.

"That goes for YOU, TOO!" Gazzy screamed.

"U2? That's a good band." Fang stated, still oblivious to everything going on around him.

"Not now, Fang!" Max answered tersely.

The muffins glared menacingly at the Flock.

The Flock... well, Gazzy glared back menacingly.

Fang looked at them inquisitively, wondering if they were lemon-flavored too.

Max shook her head, and tried to think of the cheapest way to quietly find new members for the flock.

Angel stared at the muffins, deep in thought...

"Hey..."

"SILENCE!"

"No, wait, I have a question."

Not sensing much menace from the innocent-looking six-year-old girl, the muffin commander sighed. "Well, what is it?"

"Pardon my asking, but…what are you going to do to us? You haven't even got any arms."

...silence...

"Uhhh..."

Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, and Gazzy looked at Angel, and then exchanged victorious glances...

...and burst out laughing.

"SILENCE!! SILENCE!! SIIIIILEEEENNNCCE!!"

"No!" Gazzy said, still laughing. "What're you gonna do, sit on us??"

The Muffins' gazes became shifty, and they scuffled back and forth a bit.

Angel remained in puzzled thought.

Then the commander regained his poise. "SHUT UP! You will come with us. Now."

"Right, right..." Gazzy replied, trying to regain composure. "So where are we going?"

"To our superiors. They'll know what to do with you..." The muffin laughed evilly, and motioned for the swarm of other muffins to leave the room. They did so, and the Flock had no choice but to follow them.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: here's chappie 5. have fun.. **

**Disclaimer: once again, more Fang bashing, along with youtube parodies.**

The Flock was pushed into a small-ish, metallic-walled room - the remainders of its features were obscured in darkness.

Gazzy was glared at. Then the muffin nearest him, at a signal from the commander, hopped up...  
...and landed on Gazzy's toes.

"OWWW!!" The wounded bird kid grabbed his injured foot, and began hopping up and down, screaming in pain, until he lost his balance and fell over, at which point he just writhed around on the floor, whimpering. "I'm reporting you guys…"

The Flock weren't sure whether to try and help him up or to burst out laughing, but they were saved the trouble of deciding **(though they were leaning towards the LAUGHING…)  
**  
"SILENCE!" a ridiculously high-pitched voice shrieked.

Gazzy stopped, sat up, and GLARED in the direction of the voice. "Y'know, I've had about enough of this..." he began threateningly.

"Oh, but the fun is just beginning!" This was a different voice - a familiar voice...but not exactly a beloved one...

The Flock gasped. "Oh no..." Iggy whispered.

"It's... it couldn't be…" Max added. **(In as much as that's really adding anything..)**

" 'O Ormus, my brother, my self...' "

"What was that, Gazzy?"

Gazzy was muttering low phrases, gazing intently into the darkness before them. "'Certain shapes pursue me; I cannot shake them from my heel. Certain people haunt me; in their faces I will find the things I feel.' "

"Huh?" Max leaned over Gazzy worriedly. "Gazzy, you didn't hit your head, did you..?"

"No, he didn't," the voice continued. "Haven't you read Salman Rushdie, then, little Max?"

Max bristled.

"..He's been taking my name in vain…" the voice muttered, its snobbish and somewhat worrying accent becoming evident now.

"Will you SHUT UP ALREADY?!" the shrieky voice…well…shrieked. "I wanna torture 'em, I wanna torture 'em!!"

A sigh was heard. "Oh right, then. Would you like to see them?"

"Why, of couurrrsssssse..."

The lights came up, momentarily blinding the six flock members, as the fluorescents bounced off the shiny walls. When their dazzled eyes recovered...

"Hey fellas? Who's that?" Fang asked, bewildered.

"F-ANG!!"

"..it's Ms. Cunningham, Fang, remember?" Max quickly supplied, before Iggy could wallop the bassist in aggravation.

"Who… oh yeah!" His face brightened. "She let me borrow her make-up!"

**(…group groan…)**

Gazzy was in an alert crouch now, his eyes still locked on the evil muffin-making old lady.

"Gazzy...?" Nudge asked, slightly concerned. When he didn't get an answer, he gently put a hand on the singer's shoulder. "Gazzy?"

The Gasman still didn't answer, but held up a hand, signaling Nudge to wait...

Nudge shrugged, and turned her attention back to their captors.

One was, as mentioned, none other than Mrs. Cunningham; dress, apron, muffins and all. The other was a slightly-oversized, bloated-looking muffin, with pink feathers sticking out of its head.  
"So, the pesky bird kids come to pester us again?" the muffin sneered.

"Actually, we were just here for maintenance--" Max began, but was cut off by Mrs. Cunningham.

"Dooon't even try that, my friend. You see, we know why you are here."

"Really? Could you remind me, again? I seem to have forgotten," Fang said, scratching his head.

**(This time Max didn't get there fast enough, and Iggy smacked the bassist upside the head.)**

"You're working for those stupid unicorns!!" the spastic muffin screamed. "Admit it!"

**(silence from the flock)**

"But you see, we don't need them to admit anything," Mrs. Cunningham crooned, stroking the upper corner of the muffin.

"We don't?"

"No..."

"Oh. Okay. But do I still get to torture them?"

"Alright... but your methods are so crude, and unimaginative," the crazed muffin-making grandma sighed.

"You got any better ideas, then? Huh??"

"But of course," Mrs. Cunningham sweetly replied, sweeping her hands up into the air in grand gestures, the innocent, yet slightly creepy, smile  
"Well, what are they?" the poptart huffed impatiently.

"And wouldn't you like to know?" she answered, the spine-chilling smile not leaving her face.

"OF COURSE I'D LIKE TO KNOW!!" the muffin screamed in Mrs. Cunningham's face. "I'm SPRINKLES, the HEAD MUFFIN! This is MY stronghold you're in, missy, I can have LEGIONS of my LOYAL GUARDS here to...well...HURT YOU in a matter of SECONDS!"

Mrs. Cunningham laughed - a laugh evil enough to start Sprinkles quivering...as well as Iggy, Nudge, Fang, Angel, and even Max.

Gazzy, however, was still crouched, intently watching Mrs. Cunningham. There must be something I can do to stop him...I've gotta be able to do something, know some weak spot...

Mrs. Cunningham stopped laughing, though a smug, amused grin remained on her face. "Ah... it's so nice to be able to strike such fear into people, you know?"

"No, I guess you wouldn't, would you?" She sighed dramatically. She then turned his gaze onto Fang. "But what about you?"

"What about me?" Gazzy asked warily.

Mrs. Cunningham smiled knowingly. "You know what it's like to have people fear you like that, and have them willing to do anything you command..."

Gazzy shook his head slowly. "But it's not the same thing, Cunningham..."

"It's not all that different, though, is it?"

Gazzy remained silent, head bent down, thinking..

"So. Will you join me, then?"

Gazzy's head jerked up, his dark eyes piercingly bright. "No!"

Mrs. Cunningham sighed, and then shrugged. "So be it, then."

Meanwhile, Iggy had dug into his pockets, and pulled out some bits of cotton fluff. He handed some to the other members of the Flock.

"Here," he whispered. "Put this in your ears, just in case."

They all nodded, and followed instructions.

Fang looked puzzled. "Why?"

"To keep your brains in, Fang," Max answered, sticking the fluff in his ears for him.

"He's got brains?" Angel muttered under her breath.

Mrs. Cunningham cleared her throat, and Gazzy stood up, and backed up to stand with the rest of the Flock. Max stealthily handed him some fluff, which Gazzy put in his ears as inconspicuously as he could.

And just in time.

"MUFFIN! MUFFIN! MMMUUUUFFFFFFIIIIIIINNNNNNNSSSSS…..MU-MU-MU-FFFFIIIN!! MUFFFFFIIINNNNSSS ARE SOOOO GOOOOOOODDDDD!! MUFFFFFFIIIIIINNNNN!!" The evil muffin maker screeched out the words, losing the pitch as her voice - which, though never particularly good to begin with, was much worse now - cracked. She was pushing it much too loud, and much too high.  
…And even Mrs. Cunningham herself was cringing at the sound, as it bounced around the small room, coming back into her own ears.

"Fang, give me your mirror!" Max yelled over the noise.

"What? What makes you think I've got a mirror?!"

Max looked at the hopelessly-handsome bird kid. "Because you're pretty. Give it here."

**(glare)** "Not until you take that back."

**(sigh)** "Sorry, Mr. Boss-man. Handsome..."

"Better." Fang fished around in one of the over-large overall pockets, and pulled out a hand-sized mirror, handing it to Max.

Max walked up to the still-screeching, still causing-herself-pain-instead-of-her-intended-victims, Mrs. Cunningham.

And held the mirror up to her contorted, straining features, the makeup smudged and running...

Between seeing herself in the mirror, and hearing her own "singing"... Mrs. Cunningham screamed….

….And ran out a back door.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" Sprinkles yelled hysterically. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME!! GUARDS!! GO BRING HER BACK!!"

The muffin guards rushed into the room, all but one, including Sprinkles, quickly leaving through the back door, in pursuit of Mrs. Cunningham.

All that remained to watch the Flock was…

One.

Lowly.

Muffin cadet.

The six Flock members looked at each other and grinned.

"So, Fang," Max said, putting an arm across Fang's shoulders. "You still hungry?"

Fang shrugged. "Depends on what there is to eat."

"How about a muffin?" Max asked, grinning.

The muffin guard paled. **(A/N: is that even possible??)**

Fang beamed. "YAY!!"

Then he stopped, silent for a moment.

"Can I change first?"

The remainder of the Flock exchanged looks.

Iggy sighed. "Go ahead...you'll only pout if we say no..."

Fang didn't need to be told twice. He unzipped the overalls, showing the rest that he still had his muffin shirt on. He pulled his miniskirt and boa out of pockets in the overalls, and pulled them on**. (A/N: I was really really tempted to go into slightly more detail...but I figured since I'd actually managed to keep it rated G this long…well…shouldn't waste the effort…)  
**  
"Ah. Much better," he said with a happy sigh.

The other five rolled their eyes.

"Can I eat now?"

"Sure!"

The muffin glanced furtively about. "Uhh..."

Larry grabbed a corner of the muffin. "Nope. You're stayin' right here."

The muffin looked a wee bit worried. **(Well, ok, maybe a bit more'n a wee bit...)**

"Yeah!" Fang said poutily. "I'm hungry!" He pulled a spoon out of another of the overall pockets. **(Don't ask me why he eats muffins with a spoon…)**

* * *

Some time later, the rest of the muffins re-entered the room. Strewn about the room were fragments of muffin-outer-crust.

The muffins' eyes widened in shock, wondering who could do such a thing, disemboweling creatures, slowly killing them as their souls are removed..

Then, their collective gaze fell upon a man with long-ish brown hair, in a t-shirt, miniskirt, and boa, seated on the floor...with muffin crumbs scattered all around his grinning mouth. The muffins gasped.

Fang looked up, and smiled. "Hey guys," he said cheerfully. "This muffin stuff is great! Wanna try some?" He offered them a spoon filled with bits of muffin.

The muffins ran away screaming.

Fang shrugged, and continued eating.

* * *

"So, wait," Gazzy said. "How're we getting outta here?"

"Wait!" Iggy cried excitedly, his eyes glittering. "I've got the superhydrostaticphlangiccube and the wirelessradiotelegraphyradiotelephonyradiogram!"

**(…blank stares from the rest of the flock…)**

"We can call the unicorns!"

"Oh. Okay."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey hey hey people. (well, actually, only a few of you, because you REVIEWED.) This is going to be (I think) the last chappie.**

Cadillac and a medium-sized detachment of the unicorn corps arrived shortly thereafter, and met up with the Flock, who were munching on muffins in the laboratory-area they'd been in before.

"So…did I save the world again?" Fang asked the unicorns, confidently casual.

**(…blank stares…)**

"Well, I did, didn't I??"

**(….further blank stares….)**

**(…clearing of a few throats…)**

"WELL?!"

Cadillac sighed. "No, Fang."

"Huh??"

"You scared Mrs. Cunningham off, and now we have no idea where either she or Sprinkles is hiding."

"Good job, Fang," Max said sarcastically.

"I didn't see YOU doing anything in there!" Fang spat back.

"HEY! You wanna stay in this flock?!"

"Like to see you TRY and kick me out! Just TRY it! ...the fans'll have yer head in a heartbeat, Max!"

"They wouldn't WANT your head; the thing's so bloody UGLY!"

"Yeah? Well..." Fang ran out of comebacks, and tackled Max.

Which was a bad idea (for Fang).

About a minute later, Fang was face-down on the ground, with Max sitting on his back, pulling his arms back behind Fang's head. Fang was begging for mercy, which Max savored for a minute or two before she let him go.

Cadillac addressed the rest of the Flock. "Despite the fact that Sprinkles and Mrs. Cunningham got away, you did manage to obtain a good deal of information on their alliance, as well as these new muffin proto types...though I do wish you would have saved us a few more for, ah, research..."

(…everyone glares at Fang…)

"Sorry.. but I was hungry!" Fang protested. "And they tasted so good!"

Iggy shook his head. "If you have a stomachache tonight, it's your own fault..."

The Flock bid the unicorns farewell, and re-boarded the boat Gazzy had "borrowed". The unicorns had taught Max how to operate it, as well as provided them with the appropriate maps etc.

"FA-NG! C'mon! We have to get back, before anyone misses us! ...well, not that anyone would miss you, but..."

"I HEARD THAT, MAX!"

"…but you want to stay in the flock, right?"

"But…but..!"

"No buts. Get onboard."

**(…sigh…)**

"Yes, Max..."

"Fang, what's in your jacket?"

"Huh? Nothing, Angel."

"Yeah there is, you look fat."

"Well, I'm no stick!"

"No, I know, but you look fatter than usual."

**(…grumbling from Fang…)**

"Sorry, Fang. ...but do you have something under there?"

"No. Nothing. Just me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Can I check?"

"NO, Angel!"

"Oh..."

That night on the boat, the six were once again cuddled together on the floor of the cabin.

"Max?"

**(…sleepy groan…)**

"What is it, Fang?"

"I don't feel so good..."

"What did I tell you??"

"Yeah, but... I really don't feel good, Max..."

"GET OUTSIDE!! NOW!!"

"Max...!"

"FANG!!" Max jumped up, grabbed Fang's hand, and dragged him out onto the deck. SHe pushed Fang up to the railing on deck, and leaned his head over the top. "If you're gonna get sick, I am NOT gonna clean it up."

Fang moaned, and looked woefully at Max.

Max softened. "Oh… sorry Fang, I didn't mean to yell. I just don't like being woken up, is all..."

Fang groaned and clutched his stomach.

"Lean over the railing, Fang," Max gently instructed, putting a hand on Fang's back.

"Geez, Fang, how many did you eat??"

"Muffins taste a lot better going down than they do coming up..."

"Gazzy, you're returning the boat."

"And paying any compensation the owner wants."

"And buying me some tummy medicine," the still-ill Fang added miserably.

Gazzy sighed. "All right..."

Some time later, back at their house again...

"FA-NG!"

**(…Fang comes rushing in…)**

"What is it, Max?"

"WHAT IS THIS?!"

"Ehm...It's a baby unicorn, Max."

"I KNOW that! But what's it doing here?!"

"I brought him home with me! Isn't he so cute??" Fang bent down and scooped the baby unicorn up in his arms. The baby unicorn was still in its adorable fuzzy stage, with soft pink and purple fuzz. It looked at Fang, then at Max. It began making cute little baby-unicorn noises. **(just what sound DOES a unicorn make?!)**

"Awww... isn't he sweet, Max?" Fang cooed, stroking the unicorn's head. Angel and Gazzy came rushing in after hearing the commotion.

Angel's blue eyes were soft. "Ohh... can I hold him, Fang?"

"Okay, but be careful..."

"I will."

Angel took the baby unicorn from Fang, cradling the small, fragile thing in her arms. "It's so little..." he whispered, gently running a finger along the unicorn's soft tummy.

"He was only just old enough to leave his momma," Fang answered quietly.

"What's his name?"

"Bob."

**(…awkward pause…)**

"Uh…Bob?" questioned Max.

"Uh huh. That's the little guy's name."

"Um. Okay."

"Hey there, Bob!" Angel cooed to the little ball of fluff in her arms. "You're cute, you know that? Not as cute as your aunt Angel, but cute..."

"Hey Max?"

"Yeah?"

"…You're...you're not gonna make me take him back, are you?" Fang asked worriedly.

"No...well, unless...did you have permission to take him?"

"Yeah. He had to leave soon for training anyway, and they said he could come with us, and learn about our way of life and stuff."

"Okay. He stays, then!"


	7. Epilogue

Epilogue:

Epilogue:

Bob stayed with the Flock for many years, and grew up a very happy, well-rounded, intelligent unicorn. Iggy taught him about…well…pretty much everything. Fang taught him how to eat muffins (a VERY important aspect of unicorn training!) and Fang also taught him how best to wear skirts - in case he should need to costume himself sometime, of course! Gazzy taught him how to hotwire boats and be a persuasive talker, as well as how to play pranks on certain friends. Max taught him how to be a strong leader, and took charge of his physical training

Fang never touched another lemon-flavored muffin again (believing them to be evil, and deadly poison), and had nightmares about lemons for weeks on end..

Max didn't get much sleep for the next few weeks, having to console Fang on a nightly basis that no, the lemons weren't going to come and kill him...

No-one saw Iggy at all for the next few weeks - he was busy playing with the random equipment the unicorns had let him keep...

Gazzy was obliged to spend the next few weeks fishing, with the man whose boat he'd "borrowed", as compensation. Gazzy had protested the suggested arrangement, saying that he'd never really been fishing before...but this made the man all the more eager. He promised to teach Gazzy all about fishing - the equipment, the types of fish and where and when they were to be found, the local fishermen, the boat, the history of fishing…"There's a whole world you've not yet seen, me boy!" he had shouted, slapping a fish-stenched hand on Gazzy's back. Gazzy was NOT pleased.

So they all basically lived happily ever after. Except maybe Gazzy. But it was his own fault. And Fang, kinda, for a bit, but he was fine after a few days. And Iggy _accidentally _blew something up at some point, but…

Bob was very happy in his new environment.

**The end.**

_  
_


End file.
